Why you should Take The Train Instead, Part Two....

Why you should Take The Train, continued....

10. The food is no good

And that's scientifically proven. At high altitudes our taste buds simply don’t work properly. The low humidity dries out our nasal passages, and the air pressure desensitises our taste buds, which is why airlines often opt for salty stews or spicy curries. 

11. Sometimes it's really bad

12. The other passengers will drive you mad

In so many ways. They will listen to music instead of the in-flight safety annoucement. They will forget to fasten their seat belt before take-off, forcing the flight attendant to remind them. They will strike up a conversation when it's quite obvious you would rather read your Flashman novel. They will turn their phone on the moment the plane lands, to see how many 'likes' their latest innane Facebook post has received, then insist of retrieving their bags and standing in the aisle for 10 minutes, waiting for the plane door to open, instead of remaining seated. 

13. You could be sat next to this 

14. Or this 

15. Seats are getting smaller

As our Travel Truths series pointed out last year, airlines are increasingly keen to cram in as many fliers as possible. For example, the normal seating arrangement on a Boeing 777 was once nine seats per row. In 2010, just 15 per cent of the 74 Boeing aircraft delivered to airlines could seat 10 abreast. Last year, that leapt to 69 per cent. 

16. So are toilets

Last year B/E Aerospace, a Florida-based manufacturer of aircraft cabin products, revealed designs for new, smaller bathrooms on Boeing’s 737s - meaning airlines can squeeze in a handful of extra seats. Delta and Qantas are among the first airlines to show interest in the designs. 

17. It's bad for the environment

Perhaps this should be higher up the list. According to one 2010 study, published in the Environmental Science and Technology journal, air travel accounts for more global warming than all the cars on the world's roads. 

18. It's not a train

Train travel is infinitely more relaxing than flying (rush hour commutes excluded). No-one ever fell in love on a plane. Brief Encounter wouldn't have worked if it was set inside the economy class cabin of an easyJet flight to Malia.

19. The airline charges will leave you out of pocket

Several airlines charge for carry-on luggage, budget airlines charge up to £45 for a single item of hold luggage, or £20 per kilo for excess baggage. Then there's boarding card reissue fees, name change fees, fuel surcharges, credit card fees, infant fees... 

20. You'll get dumped miles from your final destination

Imagine the shock for visitors to Germany who book a flight to "Munich West Airport", only to find themselves deposited 67 miles from the bright lights of the Bavarian capital. And it is by no means the only offender - "Oslo-Torp Airport" is 75 miles from Oslo, "Stockholm Skavsta Airport" is 66 miles from Stockholm, and Barcelona Girona is 65 miles from Barcelona. 

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Why You Shouldn't Fly....Take The Train Instead....Part One

Why you should Take The Train....Not The Plane...

1. The pilot could terrify you

The following statements were all heard by Telegraph readers on board flights: 

"Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. We have a small problem. All four engines have stopped. We are doing our damnedest to get them going again. I trust you are not in too much distress." 

"There is rather more snow on the runway than we'd been led to believe." 

"Ladies and gentlemen the storm is very bad. I will do my best to land the plane." 

"As soon as we take off, I am going to ask cabin crew to serve any drinks and snacks within 30 minutes. After that, I want all passengers and cabin crew to be belted up and no-one is to walk around for any reason. There is a big storm ahead. Please be prepared." 

"Ladies and gentlemen we shall be making an unscheduled landing and steep approach to Tampere airport, the plane is on fire. Thank you". 

2. The other passengers might clap when the plane lands 

Surely the most irritating habit of air passengers. Unless both the pilot and co-pilot are taken ill and a passenger lands the plane, this is unacceptable. 

3. Or take their shoes and socks off during a flight 

Shoe removal is (just about) permissable, but no-one should go barefoot on a plane and subject other passengers to the sight of their yellowing toenails. Yet it happens. 

4. You'll be stung getting to the airport 

With single fares from Paddington priced at £21 in economy class, the Heathrow Express is, pound-for-pound, Britain's most expensive rail journey, clocking in at around £1.40 per mile. A return journey costs £34 - slightly cheaper, but still more than £1 for each of the 15 miles travelled. 

The Gatwick Express from London Victoria is just as costly, particularly given that First Capital Connect and Southern services from London Bridge actually get to the airport in less time - and cost half as much. 

And special mention must go to the so-called "Stansted Express". The service - from London Liverpool Street - is the ONLY TRAIN that goes to Stansted. To call something "express" would suggest that there is an alternative, slower, service. This isn't the Stansted Express, it's just "the train to Stansted". 

5. Even if you drive

- Parking: a couple of years ago, it was discovered that parking a plane at many of Britain's airports is cheaper than parking a car. The most expensive was found to be Heathrow - with charges of up to £51.80 for 24 hours. 

- 'Kiss and drop' charges: even if you're able to persuade a loved one to ferry you to and from the airport, it could cost you. Just six of Britain’s 24 airports allow drivers to drop off and pick up passengers directlyin front of the main terminal building free of charge. 

6. The airports will fleece you

The Ikea-style entrance to Gatwick, where you're forced to meander your way through a maze of duty-free shops, sums up the airport experience. You may as well ask a stranger to spend two hours frisking you for cash. There are airports that charge passengers for the plastic bags we must use to take liquids through security (step forward Luton), and others, such as Blackpool, Norwich and Newquay, that charge a "development fee" - because the money they already get from airlines and retail firms just isn't enough. 

Furthermore, bottled water costs a fortune and currency exchange rates are a joke. 

7. Then there's the airport security experience 

Long queues ought to end in something fun, like a fairground ride, or an ice cream. Not the removal of your belt and a pat down from a burly man. 

8. Especially in America 

Just be grateful that those "full body scanners" have been phased out. Earlier this year, a former US airport security worker confirmed the suspicions of many fliers by admitting that staff would often laugh and gawk at the images of naked passengers. “The [full-body scanners] were good at detecting just about everything besides cleverly hidden explosives and guns,” he said. “Many of the images we gawked at were of overweight people, their every fold and dimple on full awful display. Piercings of every kind were visible. Women who’d had mastectomies were easy to discern — their chests showed up on our screens as dull, pixellated regions. 

“Hernias appeared as bulging, blistery growths in the crotch area. Passengers were often caught off-guard by the X-Ray scan and so materialized on-screen in ridiculous, blurred poses—mouths agape, à la Edvard Munch. One of us in the I.O. room would occasionally identify a passenger as female, only to have the officers out on the checkpoint floor radio back that it was actually a man. All the old, crass stereotypes about race and genitalia size thrived on our secure government radio channels.”